Seems I only come back here when I get stuck in a rut. I suppose I knew it myself, who was I kidding when I said this blog wasn't going to be depressing. It's what its here for I suppose. So I've been thinking, about my life, about my future, but especially the people around me. I don't mean my family though, I barely have one. I mean my friend, those I've known for years. I wonder how longer we'll keep in touch and it saddens me to know that sometime in the future we'll be gone. Speaking to each other only on occasion or even never at all.
What I'm afraid of is though, is people going away. The friends I have now are probably the best I could ever hope for, those that are always there when I need them. But I feel like I'm losing someone very close to me slowly every day. We used to be close friends, but now, were nearly no more than acquaintances who happen to have known each other since we could barely talk.
I should be more thoughtful, he has more than just me to hang out with. It's nice to have someone there, someone to care for you more than a friend can. I've never experienced it myself, I have to some extent, but it wasn't that kind of affection. Since then I've been very self conscious on how I've approached the subject, I've always been bad at it. Never receiving the same sort of affection in return, in essence I don't know what it feels like. Love....
It changes people, for better or for worse. That's for them to decide as a couple, they now share the same road. As for the rest of us, we take the highway or for some the low road. For me, I can't say, at times I feel sad and at others I feel lucky that I don't have to deal with all the stress. But it's really that I just don't know how to feel that way towards someone else. I don't know how it works, I'm not sure if I ever will know.
Maybe there's someone out there, waiting, thinking the same thing as me.... in the end I really am just making a small cry out for help.
Someone to be there.
Someone to understand.
....... That someone.
